My outlook on life (age 19!)

I was organizing my room tonight and found all my old journals and diaries and notebooks from class. I flipped through my Italian/Greek Tragedy and Mythology class notebook and found some writing that I had done; felt like I wanted to share it. I wish I had the patience and the time to sit here and type up how incredible of an experience Sicily was, but I don't, so here's just part of how my outlook on life changed after my study abroad experience there!

(Transferring, word for word, what I found in this notebook from January 2006. I'll add paragraphs because it will be easier to read than how I initially wrote it ahha)

"Life. Hmmm. Sometimes you need things to fall apart so you can realize how desperately you need for them to fall together. Sitting in an Italian cafe drinking liters of wine with a close group of friends, watching the most incredibly gorgeous sunset ... watching the sun sink into the clear blue-green Mediterranean Sea ... you really figure out what's important in life, what's important to you; what you want out of life. Happiness is a destination. Life is nothing more than the happiness you get out of it. I've learned to never swear to anything, for events may call me a liar. I'm not scared of what I was scared of before. If something's meant to happen, it'll happen. Good or bad - shit happens when you party naked wearing nothing but cowboy boots!" (Hahahaha Chris Zerega would say this nearly every night ... goodness. I forgot all about that!)

"How many people look at the sunset and can replay the entirety of their life in one night? What scenes will you see flash before you? The good? With everyone you hold dear smiling and genuinely happy? Or the bad? Focusing on you and your own misfortunes ... how terribly selfish. STRIVE for happiness. Have no regrets. Do everything you've ever wanted to do. Never be plagued by 'what if's'. Never go to bed angry. Don't go to bed with questions - find answers when you're awake; dwelling on issues doesn't EVER solve them, it just delays them which is 100% unhealthy.

My life altering experience happened in Sicily on a small island called Ortigia, off a small city named Siracusa. New Years Eve was the first day! Getting to ring in the new year with people who I didn't know was a bit nerve wracking, but after spending 24/7 with them for the past 3 weeks, I don't think I could hand pick a better group of people to have shared that experience with. Drinking til early morning, speaking Italian, terribly and getting hit on by creepos, seeing 3 shooting stars and KNOWING that everything's gonna be ok ... watching the sun rise and set over the most beautiful body of water I've seen, being away from reality, feeling like you're in an alternate reality, stepping into the streets of Oretigia, experiencing the unique culture of Sicilians ... I've longed to discover something as true as this is ... I owe the 'new Amy' solely to the times I had in Sicily, partly to the conversations, events, adventures, jokes, and experiences shared with the best group of 9 people I could have hoped to start a new year with. Thanks go out to April Pigott, Tara Strey, Jenny Brice, Megan McDonald, Amy Porter, Dave Dahlquist, Justin Gassner, Richard Scott and Chris Zerega. All y'all definitely helped me figure out who I am and who I want to be. Being able to start 2006 with people who don't know the old me definitely helped me shape the person I want to become. I am now who I want to be. For the first time in awhile, I can honestly say that I'm truly happy. I am happy about who I am. I am happy about my life - in the direction it's going - about, everything.

I can't even begin to explain everything that I've experienced here and everything I've realized since coming on this trip. Regarding one specific thing, I'm going to leap. I'm reaching for the moon! If I fall, then I fall. It's happened before and it will happen again. But I've now realized that I can deal with it and I will. If things work out, great. If not, oh well. Shit happens when you party naked wearing nothing but cowboy boots! (Geez. Clearly that was a popular phrase! Thanks a lot, Chris haha) I'm gonna go full force and have no regrets. To quote Rent, 'forget regret or life is yours to miss'. I don't want to miss anything. I'm going to do everything that I want to, no hesitations. Seeing how happy these people are has helped me realize how important the simple things in life are. A hug, a letter, a phone call, an email, a good movie, a smile ... things like that are what life is worth living for. That's the good stuff.

I definitely needed a wake-up call. Coming here might have been one of the most positive decisions I've made for myself. I found out who I am. No. I changed who I was into who I wanted to be. And like I said, I've never been happier with myself. I'm happy, I'm in love - I have great friends and even greater memories from one of the most fascinatingly beautiful places I've traveled to. Viva Italia, Siracusa mi amore!

I just can't get over the fact that in 3 days, I just have to up and leave everything behind. It's going to be difficult. Granted, leaving the restaurant will be tough! Luca, Franco, Pepe (ahhh Pepe, my love!!!! Oh man. I still have my hippo!) and the entire staff made it feel like home. Saying goodbye to Hotel Posta ... it's hard to believe we've already been here for 3 weeks! I'm going to miss the Solarium, watching shooting stars while sipping limoncello (SO GROSS!), seeing the sunset from Brunos, watching a rainbow rise out of the Mediterranean and plunge back down into golden clouds, seeing the sun rise over fortified buildings and set from an ancient Greek temple, the courtesy and friendliness of the locals, the FOOD, just everything that made this place feel like home for the past month. Visiting the sites, learning about the history of this place has been unbelievable!

I guess what it all comes down to, in terms of what I've realized, is that everything happens for a reason. Me getting upset over stupid drama half a world away helps me realize how virtually unimportant it is. In the grand scheme of things, it's completely worthless and finding out about yourself is key. If you don't know who YOU are, what hope could you possibly have to even attempt to understand anyone else? I know who I am, I know what I can handle and ultimately, what's important to me. I've learned what's worth fighting for and I've realized what will never be important enough to worry about. I've come to the realization, and this is a huge deal for me, that I shouldn't worry about the things I can't change, the things I have no control over. I've dealt with things here that have shown me the kind of person I am. I want to be strong and independent and I will be. I want to be able to leave 2005 behind and focus on 2006 and I will.

My eyes have been brown this whole trip. :-) (That sounds ridiculous but if you know me well enough, it will make sense!) The more I hang out with everyone, the more upset I get at the thought of us all having to leave this place. Siracusa is magical ... the people, the scenery ... it's enchanting. Driving back from Colette's tonight (we went to a little house in the country where we were taught how to make authentic Sicilian dishes and had an amazing time!)and seeing the stars ... wow! I've never seen the same sky before. I mean, I've looked at it from the Solarium, but in the country, on the farm, you can visualize every single star. You see stars in the sky beside you, not just up there, trillions of miles away. It made me completely appreciate nature in its entirety and helped me appreciate everything all over again. I LOVE ORTIGIA, SIRACUSA, SICILY, ITALY! I most definitely want to come back here; I love it! I've grown to care for these kids so much; we've all gotten close in one aspect or another, we're all connected in some way. It's almost midnight and almost Stomp's birthday so we're heading out to celebrate. Yay for Italia! I'm such a happy girl :-)"

Aw. Good times! If I can give you one word of advice about college ... STUDY ABROAD!!!!! Don't think. Just do. :-) Thanks for the awesome experiences <3